Sacred Days

We would have celebrated her 13th Birthday today… Pink and Purple Balloons with Streamers.

Rarely have I spoken of such, and written even less frequently. But the fact is — every year on this day at 3:02 p.m., I lock the door of my Bedroom, open the Memory Box tucked away in the drawer of my dressing table, and allow The Tears to flow…

Every year on this day, I take out the tiny gold ring that Mike bought for her the day he heard the news that she was growing inside me.
Just on this day, I hold the soft hanky I sewed for her into the shape of a baby bonnet… it was to be the “Something Old” on her Wedding Day.
On this special day, I carefully unwrap the dainty, fragile cotton gown and booties from the pink tissue paper that now preserves them, given to us by a kind nurse who helped us grieve so long ago, on the day of her delivery.

faith baby stillborn

This year, before I wrap the precious items in pink tissue again, I will add two more items to her collection. One is a photo of Me at 13 years old. As I tuck the picture into the box, I wonder if she would have had auburn hair, as I did. And freckles, would her nose be sprinkled with freckles, as mine was at 13?   {Do noses have freckles in Heaven?}

The second item added to the box this year will be the beloved Angel Pin. I wore this Angel on my blouse every day from the time I realized the LORD had allowed us to conceive, and for her to grow in my womb. Wearing the pin comforted me, and reminded me to pray for her. I have kept the Angel in my silver heart box on my Dresser top, a small comfort to me on hard days.

I never wore the pin again after the day she was delivered, her lifeless body never taking a first breath. The Angel’s paint has now faded from touching it, and its wing top was broken when it was dropped as I told the story of our daughter to her younger brother when he was 2 years old.
It took me many years, but I am ready to let the Angel pin rest with our daughter’s other things now.

And so, on this day, I celebrate. I praise my God for allowing this child to live inside of me, if only for a little while. I thank Him for giving me the privilege of becoming a Mother. I am so grateful that I was given the ability to carry a baby, to experience those feelings of hope and anticipation that all other expecting mothers know. It was one of the sweetest seasons of my life, truly. I shall never regret those days, nor will I blame or doubt or fear. It was in the weeks following her death that we decided to adopt… and my arms were satisfied no more than 8 months later with a healthy baby boy!

“In this you greatly rejoice, though for a little while you may have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These trials have come so that your Faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire… may be proved genuine, and may result in Praise, Glory, and Honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” I Peter 1:6-7

We named our daughter “FAITH.”

 

 

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